Speak or Die?

"Is it better to speak or to die?"

I don't remember the last time I was scared to speak to someone. I don't know how I can comfortably sit with you and find peace even in the most dreadful silence. I know I love you and that it wasn't part of the plan. But I also know that I'll never find enough courage to "speak", so I'd rather "die". 

I think I fell for you the day I saw your smile. Have I ever told you, you have the most beautiful smile in the world? 

I behave like a teenager when I think about you. Your notifications give me goosebumps and I have to calm myself down every time before I open your messages. When I see "recording" in our chat box my heart skips a beat anticipating to hear your voice. 

I can easily speak through typed out words when it comes to you, for my voice just leaves me when I am sitting next to you. So I think I'll bury everything, stay silent, and die rather than speak.