V Sed Musings

Can you fall in love with someone knowing you won't have a happily ever after with them?

What if we fell in love with someone and could visualise a beautiful future together? You believe, you think, you will have a happily ever after with them and grow old together.

But then, suddenly one day, something happens and that vision disappears. You search for it but you can't find it. You can't imagine a future with them anymore. But you still love them.

You love them so much that you ignore the tight knot inside your chest, the loss of appetite and your lungs sort of giving up on you- so much that each breath feels like it has to be squeezed inside. You love them so much and want them to be happy that you let yourself be miserable for days, months.

But as much as you love them, you love yourself too. And being with someone just so that they can boast of a happy relationship is not worth the pain you are in, the peace you have lost. So you politely say goodbye and leave them. 

You know that person is devastated and is pleading you to get back together. But the newfound peace is too overwhelming for you to leave it. And you move on.

Only to know later that, that person never really loved you, maybe they did. But the actions and words that followed the separation makes you feel like the entire relationship was a lie. And you break. And it hurts in places that you never thought could hurt. You cry, whimper, bawl, willing the hurting to end. And you decide, no more, happy that you were the one who left first. Then you just let yourself free, not caring about what happened to the love.