Chaos

The entire scene was chaotic. Uncertainty, dread, and watery smiles were plastered on almost all the faces I saw. Uncertainty, thanks to the people who had to tell us what to do. Dread, because we didn't know what to do, had no idea when we'd meet again if we'd even meet again. Watery smiles just for sake of it, to spread some hope and joy even when the entire world seemed to be a huge wailing siren. 

I walked around that Sunday morning, like everyone else, not knowing what to do. I went to Sagar, it felt like I was solving something at least. I saw Meghana and Ajay and Ammini. I always saw Meghana whenever I badly needed to see someone. We talked on and on, about Covid-19 playlists, about going all the way to Kerala by road- renting a car; Ajay made it sound like a scene taken out of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Mostly, we were just concerned about Ammini and her pups. Eating those very unhealthy snacks from Sagar with Meghana did do me some good. We don't have to think so much while eating right?!

I called Acha multiple times to ask what to do. He said I could stay there if I managed to find someplace and people to live with or go home if I wanted to. I said "haa" and cut the call, that was what I wanted to know also- whether to stay or leave. I didn't say it to him though. 

The admin took their sweet time in letting us know what options we had- we didn't have any, technically. By that time a huge cloud of panic had descended over the entire campus. Bhargav and Niranjana had started planning their trip back home, to Bangalore. Mythili and Devu decided to join them and Niru's dad- they were going by road. Udipto and Mahesh decided to stay back with Meherin and Sabbah. Two months into the lockdown, I wish I had stayed back with them, even though I'd have been cursing the heat. Bhargav and Niranjana stuffed sense into my head and made me book a flight ticket back home; I doubt if I'd have made it alive if I had insisted on taking the train home- those two are relentless once they decide what's the best thing to being done.

That evening I went to get cigarettes with Udipto. I had no idea when I'd be able to smoke with him again. I should have gotten some more and smuggled it home. 

Sabbah was appalled at me smoking cigarette after cigarette. Meh, let me be. I hadn't realised at that point that those witches were gonna become my distant lifeline. 

Back inside 116, Amrita and I packed our things, realised we wouldn't be sleeping together for a foreseeable-unforeseeable- future; I don't exactly remember how it went. It's all a blur. We gave our snack hoard to Azee, and I am just glad I hugged him tight enough.

The next day seemed sad and forlorn. I got ready and went out. Eager to spend whatever time I had left at that place with my people. Neville had already left with Niranjana and others. It was like someone punched my face; I couldn't even give him a good bye-see ya soon- hug. 

I saw him right after getting out of my hostel. My blood became cold and jelly-like as usual. I had asked him to call me when he came to get his stuff. 

Right when I was chilling with my people, he called. Sabbah heard the "speshal" ringtone I had for him and was like "I love that song." I am just thankful she didn't see the picture and name on the screen. 

We sat and smoked, with Husky and Sultan lazing nearby, not talking much, as usual. Then we said goodbye, as unceremoniously as we had met for the first time. 

I was walking around with Siddiqua- almost in tears. Both of us knew we'd have each other even miles apart. The day seemed short yet long- I didn't want the afternoon to come at all, it meant I'd have to leave. 

We were walking around and I saw him again, sitting exactly where we had kissed for the first time. It seemed like God was playing some sick joke. I just waved at him and continued walking with Siddiqua. I don't know where I found the courage from, but I decided to call him, ask him if I could go there and meet him- I didn't want to add 'one last time'; because I didn't want it to be the last time. 

We sat together in silence, remarking at random things. I didn't dare to touch him, it always felt like crossing some sinful line. When it was time for me to go, he took my hands; I am glad he did. I hugged him, I am glad I did that too. 

I went back to my room. Took my stuff, said goodbye to Amrita, and went to the benches to wait for Aajma to come- we were flying back together. Akshit being the Lord Saviour he was, gave me masks. Meghana was also there, waiting for the cab. Both our cabs came almost at the same time. Praveen helped me with my luggage. Harshal made stupid jokes while saying goodbye. I wanted to ask them when I'd meet them again, but I didn't want to break down in front of everyone, so I didn't.

While leaving I scanned the place for him, hoping I could get a glimpse of him, but no. I saw Akash just when the car got out of the campus. I waved madly at his surprised face.

And I left.

I didn't turn back again to see if I could see any familiar faces.